I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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