Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
