I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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