what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
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You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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