This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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