I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
