im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
