i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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