just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
