Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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