you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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