She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
