my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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