How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
