Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
