I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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