Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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