i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just pee around me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
