He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
