i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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