there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
