I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
