you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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