I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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