There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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