I've blown a few things in my day
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize