My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
you never un-have a 4some
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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