she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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