dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
These tits shall not be calmed
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
