dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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