this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
