At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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