I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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