they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
