I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
