Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
