it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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