I met the friendliest cop last night
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
