Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
