i think my tv is drunk
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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