Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
