There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
