She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
