ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
