life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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