You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
