Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
