I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
