I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
