Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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