I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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