high people should be assigned attendants
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
