THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it was like eating out sand paper
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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