my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
