Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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