My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
