So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
