wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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