next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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