I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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