THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
