are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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