wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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