dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
