I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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