she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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