Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
