girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
