we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
