Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
