Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
