No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
