If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
