I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
