I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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