Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
