good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You made out with two different species that night
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
