Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
