I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
