She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
