A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
