That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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