I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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