Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He uses pillows to masturbate.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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